it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
