Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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