Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
