the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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