Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
