We won't sleep together?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
