If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
