Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
