Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
