Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
