His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
