I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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