I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I look better un-naked...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
