Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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