well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
