I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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