Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
