I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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