genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
