I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
