Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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