is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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