i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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