I must be too annoying 4 u.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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