my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
