Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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