She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
