Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
