i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
