Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
there is glitter all over my balls
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
