Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish you could order shots online.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
