1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
