I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
