Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
