i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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