can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
