i think i have herpe
just one?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
