Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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