My underwear smells like fireworks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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