Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
