My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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