i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
