I heard we made out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
