Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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