I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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