My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
