Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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