the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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