turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i think i just lost a toe
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
