mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
