yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
