I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
