How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
