As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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