chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if only i could text you this smell
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
