I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
